I & You

I have skydived.

I have bungee jumped.

I have tried a deep fried stick of butter.

I am a survivor of rush hour traffic in LA & Manilla.

I survived growing up a middle child.

I have even survived an attempt on my life after telling a woman:
"Yes. Those pants do make your ass look big."

I have performed on Broadway, Carnegie Hall, & the Sydney Opera House.

All to standing ovations.

I have seen my writings published, translated into different languages, & used to change lives for the better.

I have received a Nobel Peace Prize.

I set it on the shelf alongside my Pulitzer, Grammy, & Tony award.

I average a quadruple double whenever I step onto the basketball court.

I bat a perfect 1.000
I am the definition of a shutdown corner.

I am the attention grabber that Superbowl commercials aspire to be.

I hate Eli Manning.

I am not related to the most interesting man in the world.

I am the Top Iron Chef.

I am a James Beard recipient.

I have managed to keep my major sweet tooth in check & avoid diabetes.

I taught penguins how to surf.

I taught Corgis how to hack computers.

I don't have allergies.

One would hear about all these accolades & accomplishments & think that I've lead a happy, complete, fulfilled life.

One would be wrong.

Because all of these things pale in comparison with this simple fact:
You are not a part of my life.

We should change that.

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I've been wanting to expand on this.

Start writing more about "You".

But I really like the way I end this piece.

What do you think?